Things I’ve Learned as a Woman in the Corporate World that We Don’t Talk About Often
Let me start out by saying that this is NOT an article about gender equality or calling out all the inequities that exist in the workplace, because entire books can and have been written on these topics.
This is a Hard-Lessons-I-Have-Learned-So-You-Don’t-Have-To and Nobody-Will-Say-This-Out-Loud-In-The-Workplace kind of article.
So, getting straight to the point, here are 5 lessons I learned the hard way, so you don’t have to:
The more senior you get, the lonelier your journey becomes: this is kind of like adulting in the professional world. At some point, you realize that the number of work friends you have start to dwindle; your opinions related to work stated in public become more measured; and your experiences may not be as relatable to your personal circle of family and friends anymore. This is normal, and it’s part of maturing in the working world. Embrace it and prepare for it early. Pick out your inner circle and nourish those relationships. Always start with trust in a professional setting, and always make sure you verify. Remember that you are the only person who can advocate for yourself in most cases, and make sure you speak up for yourself when that time comes.
Take care of you first: this one may be a bit controversial—especially for those with significant others. Here’s the reason why I will always advocate for putting yourself first: I’ve learned the hard way (this is the part where I am forever grateful for my husband’s patience) that if I don’t take care of me first, I cannot show up for the most important people in my life when I need to show up. When life’s moments like those passes by, no amount of regret, work achievements, etc. can bring them back or undo the damage. The truth of the matter is that work can serve as an escape for some of us—and sometimes an excuse—but when it really matters, it’s usually the people closest to us, and not work, that show up to support us through the rough patches. So, take care of yourself first so you can take care of those closest to you in turn.
There will always be noise and doubt in your path: I have always been a subscriber to the idea of: entrepreneurs don’t judge you for starting a business; writers don’t judge you for writing your first blog piece; seasoned analytics professionals don’t judge you for your first Excel model. Why? Because they have all had to start from somewhere and learn along the way. The unfortunate part of some workplace cultures is that people love to talk, and the higher you rise, the more they talk. Earlier in my career, I used to feel the impact of the side comments that inevitably made their way to my ears; and I used to think “if I become better, then these noises will go away”. Unfortunately, reality has proven to be quite the opposite of that. Now, I ask myself the question “is this from someone who’s opinion I trust and care about? Did they provide the feedback to me directly?” If it’s a no to both, the comment goes in one ear and out the other. Bottomline is that the noise will always be there, and your energy is limited. So, don’t expand your energy on the opinions that don’t really matter at the end of the day.
Don’t get too emotionally attached: repeat after me “I am not my job. My job is not who I am.” There is a difference between caring about the quality of work you produce and becoming so invested in your job that it becomes a part of your identity. I am all about the former and would really advise against the latter. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years: there are so many variables that occur in a professional workplace that is outside of my control. While I can control the quality of the work I produce; it’s presentation, adoption, implementation, etc. will always depend on the context and circumstances of an average of 8+ other people. While I can manage and influence this group, I cannot dictate the outcome. In this sense, if I were to tie any of my personal emotions and feelings into my work and its end results, it would be a really exhausting emotional roller coaster ride to be on.
You job and your passion are likely two different things. Do your job to fund your passion: ignore this one if your job is your passion; I am so happy for you because it is rare! For most of us out there, this point is related to everything I stated above: make sure you put yourself first and nourish your passion. I’ve learned the hard way that while your job may pay the bills, if you leave your passion out of the equation for too long, you will feel depleted. I have witnessed people fill that depletion void with more work, and that is just a toxic cycle that leads to nowhere good. So, ask yourself the questions: what are you passionate about? What are you doing to nourish that passion? It’s okay if you don’t have an answer ready to go; I think that’s just a sign and an opportunity for you to go out there and explore.